January 27th~ 78 Days

January 27th 2012

This last week has been met with challenges.. Today finally feeling like I have a renewed sense of spirit. I miss Tommy more and more every day :).. I walk past Tommy's pictures and my heart just drops to the floor with such force it honestly can take my breath away. I am just so sad he is gone...

A few days ago, Jack and I were talking and he was struggling a bit with missing Tommy... grief is so unpredictable, it ebbs and flows so viciously.. We talked about how I have (obviously) a different daily dealing with Tommy and his passing.. I have moms and teachers asking about How I am doing, How are we coping, sometimes met with tears and other times I cry.. I am constantly talking about Tommy, how I miss him. I have opportunities to respond to people when asked how many kids to you have? I say 2, a 4yrs old daughter Estella and a 2mos old son Tommy who is in Heaven.. (thank you heather lange!).. Jack mentioned that he doesn't have those moments of talking to people about Tommy, work is work~ it made me sad because we BOTH love to talk about Tommy, we love to hear his name! we love to tell people about how we miss Tommy but are so happy he is in Heaven. I wish I could take Jacks pain away....

Today my devotional was this....

Trust is a golden pathway to Heaven... When you walk on this path you live above your circumstances. My glorious light shines more brightly on those who follow this path of life. Dare to walk on the high road with me, for it is the most direct route to heaven. The low road is circuitous: twisting and turning in agonizing knots. There the air hangs heavy, and dark, ominous clouds predominate. Relying on your own understanding will weigh you down. Trust in me absolutely and I will make your path straight....

It is perfect. That is what I hang my heart on daily... So today, I will pray for everyone, no not just friends and family.. but everyone, that they could also have peace amidst storm (however big or small the storm is)... Since Tommy, no not since passing but since he blessed us with his sweet face at birth, my heart has grown by leaps and bounds. Truly my capacity to love has just increased.. That is my blessing I choose to look at today...

Love B