March 1st, 2012~ 112 Days......

March 1st 2012

One Hundred and Twelve days…… 

I can hardly believe it.. 112 days. In 9days Tommy would have been 6 mos old… 6 months… I just am flabbergasted at how long it has been since I have seen sweet Tommy…since I have held and kiss his sweet face… I feel like it has been a lifetime with out him…and yet it has only been 112days. I can't remember/imagine my life with Tommy when he was here~ and yet I can't imagine my life without him, surviving without him.. I can't look into my future and see how I am going to be…. Sometimes I feel like I am in a holding pattern… unable to land… unable to take off to a different destination. I am comfortable with the idea moving forward.. having another baby… And yet I am weary.. weary of another heartbreak. I had 2 miscarriages before conceiving Tommy…. I put all my energy, hopes, dreams into him.. He was going to be my rainbow baby… the baby that bridges the loss to happiness of a new baby… a baby conceived after a loss (usually miscarriage)… Tommy turned out to be my blessing baby.. my angel baby.. my sweet perfect baby… He will be my baby that will never grow up or grow old, I won't worry about where he is if he missed curfew or wonder if he is happy… he will always remain in my heart and the BEST is Tommy will be the first to greet me when I arrive home in Heaven~ for that I am beyond excited with bated breath await that moment I get to hold hug and tell him I love him once again… 

Sweet Tommy… I miss you. Much Love, Mommy...

Love B