May 9th 2013

This time of year has been hard.. for some reason it just makes me think of Tommy. The beautiful weather.. being outside.. it is spring and spring is all about new life and new beginnings… I watch Estella run around, laughing and squealing with joy… I don't often allow myself to do the "what if" game… but I find myself thinking of that frequently… The what if Tommy was here~ I can only (obviously) imagine how they would run and giggle with each other, playing outside and long walks up to sebastian joes… I am constantly fortified with the peace that only can come from God.. a peace that goes beyond the normal and into the divine.. It still isn't easy…but I am just more used to it.

A friend asked how I do it? how I hang out with my friends with children who are the same age as Tommy would be… how I can handle being around my friends who are pregnant… I just said "because I don't want their babies or children, I want Tommy. I am not envious of them being given a gift, I am excited for them" and that I also know God is preparing something for me, for us… I don't know what (it better be good!!!) but I just feel like He is getting things in place so that His plan is as it always is… Perfectly Timed. 

I usually rest on God's words… but tonight… 

As Christopher Robin said to Pooh

"Promise me you'll always remember…… You're BRAVER than you believe, and STRONGER than you seem, and SMARTER than you think"…… 

every time I read that I think of Tommy saying that to me… 

Love and Blessings,

B