April 10th 2012
In our bible study we are currently studying James. There are so many sweet verses, many about the trials we experience in life. I obviously cannot help but think about Tommy. To date losing him has been my (duh!) hardest trial~ living my life without my sweet son. Daily… moment by moment I miss him. In the book of James there is a lot of talk about finding joy in sorrow, now joy isn't "happiness" it is a soft contentment and appreciation of life… joy is what we find when amidst a trial when we find a moment… a second of peace and a surprise smile or laugh… I can say I have joy. At times I even posses a decent amount of happiness. I know that no matter what God allows me to endure in my life, it is always for good, always for his glory… there is no greater contrast in life when you see someone who should be (by human standards) curled up in bed, filled to the measure with grief and yet God gets to "show off" a little by giving that person joy, peace, strength and the ability to get up and out~ it is by these contrasts God gets to reap some of his biggest glories… I am appreciative that He has chosen me. I get a little nervous as to why, because I feel as though I do not deserve it~ the truth is I don't no body does… we all fall short of the glory of God. … but then again God graces whom he choses to and I am so very happy he chose me.
I am ever thankful. Jesus…. thank you for giving me and others the amazing gift of eternal life with you and the ones who have gone before us…. some people say that it is a gift we get to "cash in on" when we are called home. I don't look at it like that~ see to me it is a gift for me daily, to think about and know I get to see Tommy again…
Love B
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