September 8th 2012

A year ago today, I was scheduled for an induction… The little baby inside was a week late and showed NO signs of wanting out. As I packed up for the hospital a year ago today, my mind raced with excitement on being able to meet and hold this sweet lil baby.. Today also marks the last day of my innocence or more so my naivete on birth, life and everything in-between. 

As we arrived at the hospital around 5pm I felt a calm as if God had just wash it over me. I checked in, the nurse taking my vitals, checking baby and explaining what the plan was… As she hooked up the monitors, she looked at the readout from the monitor~ she asked "did you feel that?" I said "ya, just a little bit" She informed me that I actually was in labor.. I was OVERJOYED!! I had such an easy and quick labor with Estella I envisioned a similar labor with this little baby. Things progressed nicely…until I hit a wall with the pain.. I asked for an epidural around 10pm and promptly received it (thank goodness!) the anesthesiologist and I joked about the fact once again the epidural only worked on my left side- as he exited he said (which I will NEVER forget) "at least you don't have to have a c-section" in reference to the fact that I could deal with only being numbed on one side.. With the beautiful epidural the downside is being bed bound~ it turned out to save our baby's life. I labored for a 30 mins or so, but it seemed that the sweet baby just didn't want out! It just didn't move down if ya know what I mean… Hooked up to all those monitors, bed bound I labored for no more than a hour, until a fleet of nurses came bursting in shouting "get on your side get on your side!"… It was the beginning of my loss of naivete.. The baby's heart rate had dropped dangerously low, not one time but 4.. At 3am September 9th we were rushed into the OR for an emergency c-section, oddly I wasn't nervous or scared again I was at such peace… I was at peace even when the anesthesiologist said I have a membrane between the left & right space where they admit the epidural & it doesn't allow it to numb both sides- he informed me that he was going to try something, if it doesn't work they would have to put me under general.. I feverishly prayed as he prodded me with what felt like a 2 x 4 and ahhhhh I was numbed on both sides!! After a few (long) minutes I hear him.. a quivering cry, that I AM HERE cry.. accompanied by a joyous "It's a boy!"~ a quick clean up and look over by the nurses and dr.'s, all swaddled up they brought him to me and that is when we fell in love. 

I have a abundance of emotions as tomorrow approaches. It will be Tommy's first birthday. I can't help but think of how a year ago today held such joy, anticipation and love for us. I remember being beyond overjoyed to have Estella meet her new little sibling, how excited she was to be a big sister.. I remember a feeling, a strong feeling of "finally" after 2 miscarriages I finally am able to have my sweet baby.  

Love B