September 9th 2014

Happy Birthday my dearest son... I can hardly believe you would be 3.....3yrs old!!! It boggles my mind, it truly seems it was just a few moments ago we welcomed you into the world. Your life was short but it has absolutely no bearing on how you have impacted so many people. I don't think every little baby is given such a beautiful gift like that from God~ through you He has given love, strength, trust, understanding, grace, forgiveness, patience, endurance and eternal life.... You came into this world tiny but God gave you such a might testimony....

There have been so many changes, BIG changes in our family~ along with each and every one I find myself smiling and thinking what would it be like if you were able to remain with us... what would it be like to see you playing with Estella... and what would you be like as a big brother to little Elizabeth.... I see sooooo much of your sweet spirit shine thru her.. her personality is pure joy and contentment...she does so many lil things that you used to do- how you like to be cuddled at my side, how you like to sleep, she smiles ALL the time just as you did...

Estella still talks about you daily. Truly everyday. Her love for you..if love could have healed you and tethered you to this earth it could have been done on her love for you alone. She misses you, longs for you... it is hard to see and hear sometimes because I cannot make it better. She did a project for Student of the Week- where she had to write what she wished for she wrote to go to Heaven and to hug, kiss and play with you....while most kids would have said go to disney or valley fair...she wanted you. It fills my heart with such joy and such sadness.

Having Elizabeth has been such pure joy....but also at times has been hard. Having to shelve those pop up thoughts of all the milestones she surpasses and that you did not....but when it does it is a odd conundrum~ joy for Elizabeth and sorrow for what I've miss with you.... I know with out a doubt you are always shining down on us, there are times when I feel you- there are times when those rays of light hit in such a precise way that it is almost as if you are saying "I am here..." I see that your life has changed our family for a lifetime, your spirit will be one that lives on far beyond just our little family... Estella will most likely speak of her little brother who was called home too soon... she says she wants the balloon (that roamed around the nursery & is STILL inflated!!!) in her home as a reminder of a miracle.... and her little brother whom she loves so very dearly.

I have realized so much about life is such a short time.... my BIGGEST most amazing realization... is to trust.. Trust God. in everything... absolutely everything... good. bad. amazing...awful... Trust Him, He has planned and planned and planned for your life, every detail... to trust Him is to let go of alllllll the worries about how what when why~ and replace it with peace that no matter the storm, trial or absolute glorious highs He has got it. Life will always work out for good~ Take it from me, who has lost a son, had numerous pregnancies lost~ He works all things for GOOD, my joy is greater than my joy prior to all my pain... and now its time to sign off here because one of my lovely joys is now awake and needing her mommy...............

Love,
Brita